"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment" - Jane Austen
I watched "Mansfield Park" a couple of days ago (I'm terrible, I only watch the movies). I loved "Pride & Prejudice" but the "Mansfield Park" story hit home in other ways. Now I know what it is about Jane Austen's heroines and stories that so many women relate to. It would probably apply more to women in societies that are still like the era and society Jane Austen's heroines are from. That is, women who are expected to go out in public once they are the "marriagable age" and try and catch the attention of "suitable" suitors. Public usually means other weddings so that you can look your best (try and outdo the bride, she's already found hers anyway) and "suitable" usually means someone who is older, educated and from a well-known family. The problem is that it is probably expected that once you're out and some guy decides that his family can go ahead and bait you, you're expected to bite. If you don't bite the bait the first or second or God forbid, the third time, you will probably be branded a defective fish (I wonder if this is how the fish and bicycle story started)."It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her".
So if I am to understand correctly, the guy gives his approval, the girl's family tells her that she's been approved and therefore she's all happy and content and they get married. Yay. If the girl is not okay with it, she, like Fanny Price, needs to be separated from her good life and fortune in order to realise that marriage will rescue her from her dreary situation. So is that what it's all about? (I hated that moment when Fanny's mother tells her to remember that she married for love).
"Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor. Which is one very strong argument in favor of matrimony".
Marriage is still seen as a business alliance or a setup where a girl's family finally gets to handover responsibility of caring for her to someone else. It just isn't a big deal other than being just a wedding. It's always the ones who do take it seriously and treat it like a big deal who seem to lose and go through hell while losing. Are we just meant to float through it as if we're choosing an ice cream flavour, not having a flavour you like on the menu, getting stuck with some random flavour and thinking "oh well, it's just ice cream anyway"?
What does one say to those who say it is no big deal, it's just marriage, everything stays the same and that the concept of love is just another philosophy?
"Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of".
The idea that a girl is not comfortable with it or is waiting for someone she will know is the one, seems absurd. Prince Charming (or at least, Mr. Darcy) cannot be a complete myth. Is it so wrong to believe that someone who is attractive, stable, compatible, interesting and nice does exist? Jane Austen probably did. Her heroines did and since their lives were in her hands, she gave them happy endings where love triumphed over settling even if she didn't get one of those. Does it have to be for love or for money? I suppose there will always be something missing in one's life.These are sad quote but I wonder if they're true.
"The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love".
"There are certainly not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them"
I know perfectly well the possibility of meeting someone and knowing that you will like this person the instant you meet and that you will at least make an effort to make it work. I like the concept of "At first sight". There are others who don't. It seems unfair that while it happens to some, it is the ones who've always hoped for it who end up having to lose faith in it.
If the spark just happens out of the blue after a period of sparklessness, isn't it still "at first sight"? First sight, new light, big diff.
"How quick come the reasons for approving what we like!" -Jane Austen
It's her 191st death anniversary on the 18th. Society hasn't changed much since.
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3 comments:
No, society hasn't changed much at all. It's sad.
"First sight. New light. Big diff." This is one that u should get published. :)
Nice post. Nice quotes. Now I really want to watch this movie.
"New light" is what happened to Brian and me. We knew each other for years and hung out in groups regularly, but never dated. Then one night a group of our friends met at my sister's and had dinner, after which Brian and a few others decided to go out on the town. I went home and got in bed and then just got this feeling that I wasn't done yet. I called them to see where they were and met up with them. Later we went to a bar where tons of people were dancing. I danced with all my friends in turn and then I turned around and Brian was there. We looked at each other and it was definitely as if we were seeing each other for the first time. We started dancing. One thing led to another, and we've been together and totally happy ever since.
But yeah, we're not rich. =)
My roommate had a really good analogy. She was a bit of a romantic, but tried to be realistic as well. She believes that there's a percentage of people that one is compatible with, with whom you can have a great marriage, just with different dynamics depending on whom your compatible partner is.
But I don't know, underneath this hard shell I'm a big mush. I like to believe in the right person out there for me. Not the right, compatible percentage of the population.
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